Making Friends as You Are: Real Tips for Real People

How to Make and Keep Friends

Celebrating International Friendship Day Wednesday 30^th July
by Angie Muscio

Friendship doesn’t begin with perfect relationships—it begins with presence.

To make friends, be curious, be kind, and be real.
Let others see who you are.
Ask questions, listen without rushing to fix, and allow space for silence too.  Some friendships spark instantly, others unfold slowly—but all begin with openness.

To keep friends, nurture the connection.
Show up when it matters. Celebrate their wins.
Sit with them in the difficult times.
Say sorry when you’re wrong, and forgive when you can.
Friendship isn’t about constant agreement—it’s about mutual care and building trust.

Most of all, remember: good friendships are not built in a day, but they can be honoured every day, in small ways.

The best friends are those who lift us, listen to us, and love us as we are.

How to Make Friends: Practical Tips

1. Start small with connection signs

• • Make eye contact and smile at people you see often (neighbours, staff in supermarkets or the post office, gym regulars, train buddies).
  • Say hello or comment on something neutral like the weather, a pet, or a book they’re reading.
  • Use their name if you know it — names build warmth.

2. Be open and gently curious

• • Ask open-ended questions: “How’s your week going?” or pay them a compliment on what they’re wearing or doing
  • Show genuine interest — people warm to those who truly listen.

3. Say yes to small invitations

• • Accept casual invites even if they feel slightly out of your comfort zone — you don’t need to stay long.
  • Invite someone for a walk, coffee or to an event you’re already attending.

4. Be consistent

• • Friendship often grows from repeated, low-pressure interactions.
  • Show up regularly (at the same class, event, or exercise class.

5. Share a little of yourself

• • Let others see your humour, the unique things that make you you, admit to you  struggles over time — authenticity creates deeper bonds. You don’t have to make yourself completely vulnerable – just be real!
  • Mention your hobbies, interests, or things you’re looking forward to.See if you can find shared interests.

6. Look for “radiators”

• • Pay attention to who makes you feel safe, warm, or energised — lean into those connections.
  • If someone seems open, suggest exchanging numbers or keeping in touch.

Places to Meet Potential Friends

These don’t have to be big or bold — choose what suits your energy:

• • Community classes (yoga, pottery, gym or exercise classes).
  • Local libraries or book clubs.
  • Choirs – so many in the community now e.g this group for singing out stress in Godstone: Singing Groups | Sing It Out | Godstone

• • Group therapy or support circles (great for deeper connection).
  • Faith or spiritual gatherings.
  • Through your own network (reconnecting with an old friend or colleague) – send a note, text or WhatsApp to get back in touch with someone.

• • Volunteering opportunities.
  • Dog walking areas.
  • Nature walks or conservation groups.
  • Workshops, fairs, or festivals.

Mindsets That Support Friendship

• “Some people will get me, some won’t — and that’s okay.”
  You don’t need to be liked by everyone, just a few good fits.
• “It takes time.”
  Most friendships deepen over months, not days.
  Keep showing up… be consistent to gain the trust of others.
• “I can be a friend, even as I seek friendship.”
  Acts of kindness, encouragement, or checking in help build trust.
• “I’m allowed to try again.”
  Not every attempt will lead to connection, but everyone teaches you something.
  Do stay away from “drains” – those relationships which are all take and no give!