Lessons We Can Learn from 9/11: Finding Resilience, Connection and Hope
September 11, 2001 is a date that many of us remember vividly. The events of 9/11 changed lives on an enormous scale and left a lasting impact on people around the world.
As we approached the 25th anniversary, our Friday Support Circle took some time to reflect — not on the graphic details of what happened, or on trying to find positives in tragedy, but on what the human response to times of crisis can teach us about resilience, connection, compassion, courage and hope.
And perhaps some of those lessons can help us when our own lives suddenly change too.
When life changes suddenly
One of the most difficult things about life is knowing that we cannot control everything that happens to us.
A bereavement, illness, relationship breakdown, redundancy, frightening experience or period of poor mental health can suddenly change the direction of our lives. At times like these, we may find ourselves wondering, “How am I going to get through this?”
We cannot always choose what happens to us. What we can gradually influence is how we respond, and the support we put around ourselves.
Our discussion returned again and again to something very simple: people matter
Sometimes the things that help us through difficult periods are surprisingly ordinary. Keeping familiar routines can give us a sense of normality. Having somewhere to be, someone to see or a responsibility to fulfil can remind us that life is continuing.
A walk, listening to music, spending time in nature, talking to someone we trust or simply concentrating on getting through one day at a time can all help.
We may not be able to see what comes next straight away. Sometimes it is enough simply to keep going until we can.
Connection matters
One of the clearest lessons we can take from times of crisis is the importance of other people.
When we are struggling, it can be very easy to withdraw. Anxiety, depression, grief and overwhelm can leave us feeling that we somehow have to manage everything alone.
But we don’t.
Support can come from many places: family and friends, a care coordinator or support worker, a GP or another professional, a community group, a neighbour or simply somebody who is prepared to listen.
Asking for help is not a sign that we have failed. It is part of being human.
We do not have to do everything alone.
It can sometimes help to think about our own circle of support. Who could we call if things became really difficult? Who helps us feel understood? Are there groups or services we know we could turn to?
And connection works both ways. There may also be someone we haven’t spoken to for a while who would appreciate hearing from us.
Sometimes connection is as simple as saying, “I’m here.”
Small acts of kindness can have a big impact
We can sometimes imagine that making a difference requires us to do something extraordinary.
Often, it doesn’t.
It might be making someone a cup of tea, picking up the phone, checking in with a neighbour, sending a message to someone who is having a difficult day or simply listening without feeling that we have to fix everything.
Remembering that an anniversary or significant date may be particularly painful for somebody can matter too.
Small acts of kindness remind people that they are not alone.
And kindness is not only something we offer to other people. We need to offer some of it to ourselves as well.
When life is difficult, we can be incredibly hard on ourselves. We may think we should be coping better, feeling better or somehow “getting over it”.
Self-compassion means recognising that difficult experiences really are difficult. We do not have to pretend everything is fine.
Sometimes it is enough to acknowledge: “This is really hard right now — and I’m doing the best I can.”
We cannot control everything that happens in our lives. But we can care for ourselves and each other.
Resilience doesn’t mean being strong all the time
The word resilience can sometimes make us picture somebody who remains calm, capable and positive, whatever happens.
Real resilience is usually much more human than that.
Sometimes resilience is getting out of bed. It may mean crying, resting, asking someone else for help or learning to adapt to circumstances we never chose.
And sometimes resilience simply means beginning again tomorrow.
Being resilient does not mean that we never struggle. It can mean that, despite struggling, we eventually find a way to take the next small step. Many of us have already survived things we once believed we would never get through.
It can be powerful to pause and ask ourselves:
What is something I never thought I would get through, but I did?
Perhaps that experience showed us that we were stronger than we realised. Perhaps we discovered that asking for help was possible, that difficult feelings can change or that we do not have to do everything alone.
Don’t postpone living
Remembering how suddenly life can change can also make us think about what really matters to us.
Perhaps there is someone we would like to spend more time with, somewhere we would love to visit or something we have always wanted to learn, make or try.
It doesn’t have to result in a huge life overhaul.
Often, meaningful changes begin with one very small action. We can send the message, research the trip, make the plan or put something enjoyable in the diary.
Small, achievable steps can help us reconnect with the life we want, rather than waiting for the “perfect” time to begin.
Finding our own lessons
Our discussion in Friday Support Circle returned again and again to something very simple: people matter.
The events of 9/11 remind us how unexpectedly life can change, but reflecting on the way people respond to difficult times can also make us think about our own lives, our relationships and the things we value.
We might ask ourselves:
- Who matters most to me?
- Who can I turn to when I need support?
- What have difficult experiences taught me about myself?
- What would I like to make more time for?
- Is there one small thing I would like to take forward?
We do not need to have all the answers, and we do not need to suddenly become positive.
Sometimes it is simply about noticing what matters and taking one small step towards it.
Sometimes connection is as simple as saying, ‘I’m here.’
What can we carry forward?
We cannot control everything that happens in our lives. But we can care for ourselves and each other.
We can reach out when we need support and be there when somebody else needs us. We can keep the routines that help us feel grounded, allow ourselves to grieve or struggle without judging ourselves and notice the small moments of kindness, connection and hope that can make difficult days a little easier.
Life can change unexpectedly, and none of us has everything figured out.
Perhaps that is why the ordinary things can matter so much: a conversation, a familiar routine, a shared cup of tea, somebody checking in or simply knowing that we do not have to face things alone.
And while we cannot control tomorrow, we can choose one small thing to do with today.
Report by Angie & Chon
